//@Cyber Menace@\\

Long Time No See ?

2006-12-14T15:44:00.000+05:30

Yeah, thats what been with me and my blog. I almost forgot that I even had this thing up for quite some time. Being busy is not a justification but being lazy is definitely justified ! The past few months have kept me quite busy but I took out time to pursue my other interests namely reading.
Here is a complete list of what I have perused till now:

01. Q&A by Vikas Swaroop
Rating (4/5)

02. The Kite Runner by Khaled Hoessini
Rating (5/5)

03. A Fine Balance by Rohigton Mistry
Rating (5/5)

04. The Best of Roald Dahl
Rating (4/5)

05. Anything for You, Ma'am : An IITian's Love Story by Tushar Raheja
Rating (3/5) (childish love story)

06. The Tennis Partner by Abraham Verghese
Rating (4/5)

07. Tripwire by Lee Child
Rating (3/5) (Thriller)

08. Soul Mountain by Gao Xingjian
Rating (-5/5) (Started but could not go beyond 100 pages)

09. Selected works by Kahil Gibran
Rating (5/5)

10. Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts
Current Rating (4/5) (In progress)

Letter To Your Pets

2006-08-01T11:37:00.000+05:30

As always I am busy so here is a cute one to keep my blog rolling !

Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.

Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who
is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Eat less...
2. Don't ask for money all the time...
3 Are easier to train...
4. Usually come when called...
5. Never drive your car...
6. Don't hang out with drug-using! friends...
7. Don't smoke or drink...
8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions...
9. Don't wear your clothes...
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and,
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children...

Finally some Respite

2006-07-12T09:27:00.000+05:30

Rains lash Delhi.
Earlier it was the heat, now its the squishy mess on roads that are bothering me.
Can I ever be happy ?

Mistaken Modernity ?

2006-07-04T13:41:00.000+05:30

Written by: Ms. Barkha Dutt Mangaing Editor, NDTV 24*7

One of the most awkward - and yet, strangely compelling - things about journalism is that sometimes your work makes you hold a mirror to your own life. This past week, a quiet, but determined 16-year-old became an unexpected reflection of my education. I have always believed that my school and college years were the first architects of my personality; like every middle-class Indian, I take pride in where I studied and what I was taught. And yet, the gentle idealism of this young girl made me pause to wonder: Had my public-school education been shamefully elitist? At first, the story seemed straightforward enough. Garima Godara, a CBSE topper, with an astonishing 97.6 per cent had taken the entrance exam for the Delhi Public School (Dwarka), the school closest to her village.

The daughter of a police constable who earned less than Rs 6,000 a month, the school's fees would have been a problem. But the family was undeterred; perhaps there would be a scholarship or a loan; surely the school would be keen to admit the girl who had topped the national capital's merit list. Garima's proud father had spent months battling the entrenched patriarchy of his peers, fending off nosy neighbours who gossiped about why she didn't spend enough time in the kitchen. Now, he was even more determined to give his daughter the best education her marks could buy. This could have been the story of New India and its emerging, self-made middle class; a proud milestone for a country that dares to dream. Instead, here's what happened: DPS turned her down. Her results were good, it conceded. But marks aren't everything, said the school principal to NDTV, and besides, her English was poor, and just didn't cut the grade. Later, listening to Garima in the studio, it was hard not to feel both angry and moved. Angry because of the obvious injustice: not only was she as bright as her results indicated; there was nothing about her spoken English that suggested that she would have been unable to keep pace with the syllabus.

Yes, she spoke with a regional accent that some would consider insufficiently sophisticated. But there was no doubt that she could not only follow a complex argument, she could also make herself understood to any English speaker. But it was her calm that was almost heart breaking; a quiet courage that belied her teen years. It was almost as if we were more outraged and indignant than she was. During the course of the programme, a principal from a well-known school in Dehradun called in, offering her admission and a scholarship; others promised to get DPS to change its mind. But betraying only the slightest sense of hurt, she said firmly that her aim now was to show DPS that she would do better than any of its students. She had already got herself admitted to another school, and DPS could quite simply, take a walk. As she spoke, viewers clearly shared my anger. The online poll showed that 90 per cent of viewers believed that the English language exerted a disproportionate influence over the education system. Yet, were we all being hypocritical and dishonest? This time it was DPS under the microscope, but was any of us any different? Let's say she continued to do outstandingly well in school. The next stage would be college.

I pictured her trying to take the entrance interview at my old college, Delhi's St Stephen's. Would she get in? And even if she made the cut, how would other students react to her presence? Would they admire her for her academic brilliance? Or would they snigger at her accent, titter each time she made a grammatical error and then, melt away, leaving her alone to find her own friends? Garima's story is a metaphor for India's twisted tryst with the future. I learnt after the programme was over - and it is significant that neither she nor her parents brought this up themselves - that she is an OBC. For some months now, as the debate over reservation has raged, opponents of the quotas have made the same point again and again: we should be a society where merit matters. It's a compelling argument, and one that I have personally supported. But what do the anti-quota street fighters have to say now? Here's a girl who competed in the mainstream, her own Hindi medium DAV pitched against the trendier, richer, big names. But her merit was swallowed up by prejudice.

Is it any wonder then that supporters of reservation believe that the system is stacked against them, and that merit is a con-word used by upper-caste tricksters? Her story is also a scathing comment on the class divide in India. It is fashionable for marketers and economists to talk about the burgeoning middle class. Each day a new figure is conjured up to demonstrate the size of the Indian market, and the clout of the new middle class; is it 250 million this week or has it already reached 300 million? We embrace these statistics, because we like the idea of India as this century's favorite financial destination. We feel flattered when Time magazine puts our country on its cover, and we talk glibly, especially to foreigners, of social mobility and how the gap between the rich and poor is closing; we argue that India's tomorrow is being built by its industrious and enterprising middle class, and we feel like the future is unfolding, right here and right now. But here's what we never admit. We're just the worst sorts of snobs.

The social mobility of the last decade has meant that the new middle class does not consist of people like us. Instead, it is made up of people like Garima, who we still find excuses to exclude; we sneer at their lack of Westernized sophistication; make fun of their accents, and we try and ensure that our children have nothing to do with theirs. Finally, Garima's story exposes India's paradoxical relationship with the English-language. Nobody in the world speaks English like us. We have our own idioms, our own words and our own accents. We pretend to love our own English and brag about how it is India's great selling point; the reason we dominate the global outsourcing business. But of course deep down we know that our English is not the English that the West really wants. And so, each time we talk to Britons or Americans, we subtly alter our diction and inflection. When we set up our call centers, we drop the subtlety entirely and start accent classes to teach our young people to abandon the speech patterns of our own society and to migrate to a virtual, linguistic middle America, where they become impersonators of people they will never meet and never know. But within India, we still treat our own English as the great social decider. We laugh at regional accents, smirk at those who make grammatical errors and feel most at home with those who talk like us. Everyone else belongs on the other side of the English divide. And as it turns out, the other side of the class and caste divide as well.

Maybe we cling so tightly to this tiny community because secretly we are just insecure. Outside of our little bubble, India is changing. Every major institution in recent times - Parliament, the bureaucracy, the military, our colleges and schools - is being forced to re-write the rules. A new breed of Indians who no longer look towards the West for self-affirmation, is making its presence felt. We like to call this a decline in quality. But actually, it's the rest of India waiting to get in. How long are we going to keep the gates shut?

KickAss Friendship Poem !

2006-06-19T11:56:00.000+05:30

Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this poem, just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile - I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused - I will use little words.

7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

9. This is my oath..... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend".

Back To Incredible !ndia

2006-06-14T18:30:00.000+05:30

I am back in my homeland.

Amsterdam was chic.

San Diego was cool !

Pics will be uploaded soon

Also finished "The Impressionist" by Hari Kunzru. He may be touted as the next Salman Rushdie but honestly this novel can be safely bypassed as one of the mediocre "a-la-carte" servings of the literary world.

I am still busy .. more than ever :(

And thats the story of my poor life !

PS: The above pic is that of a beautiful house in Amsterdam. Made me homesick ;)

Leaving on a Jet Plane

2006-05-19T19:47:00.000+05:30

My conspicuous absense on my blog will be further extended as I am flying to Los Angeles followed by San Diego. The last few months have been pretty hectic and hopefully my workload will become lighter after this stint where I should finally resolve all pending issues.

Its eerie but I have realized that everytime I become active on my blog my workload increases exponentially leading me to cut myself off the blogger world. Or is it the other was around? i.e. when I get busy I stop blogging?

Food for thought to mull on in the plane :)

My Personality

2006-05-09T10:36:00.000+05:30

You Have A Type B+ Personality

You're a pro at going with the flow
You love to kick back and take in everything life has to offer
A total joy to be around, people crave your stability.

While you're totally laid back, you can have bouts of hyperactivity.
Get into a project you love, and you won't stop until it's done
You're passionate - just selective about your passions

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

Emotions

2006-04-20T10:34:00.000+05:30

Came across this ..
Sorrow, Embarassement, Fear, Love ...

Journal Part (II)

2006-04-17T16:15:00.000+05:30

Okay my dear blog, I am back after a long long time..

The past few weeks just flew away in a flurry of activities. I finally made the release of the software I was developing last Thursday. Thankfully the weekend being a long one on occasion of "Good Friday", I caught up on my much needed sleep. I guess I must have slept 12 hours each day for the last three days! Went to Church for the Good Friday service and the Easter Night vigil. Had a one on one with God after a long time. Was kind of good since I didn't have office pressing on my mind this weekend for a change. So as promised earlier here is the much awaited Journal Part-Deux.

So lets start from where I left in my last Journal entry, The point where I just dropped from thin air at Bristol. The weekdays were kind of drab out there. Got up at 6:30 in the morning and after my usual morning ablution watched an episode of "F.R.E.I.N.D.S" from 7:30 to 8:00. Never fails to tickle your funny bone! Went to the hotel restaurant for breakfast and on the way booked a cab to the office for 8:30. Tore into a "Full English Breakfast" or a "Continental Breakfast" depending on the condition of my stomach ..i.e. if I can stomach all the food :) The cab usually arrived dot-on-time (some things I like about the British!). By the time the small talk with the cab driver reached its crescendo, reached office by 8:45 am. The traffic snarls at a small pace like Bristol is comparable to the ones we have in Delhi!

Once at office I usually settled down to work after a cup of black coffee with colleagues. After my innumerable trips abroad I have developed a taste for black coffee without sugar! Jumpstarts your day. Then I got down to work on my project, the details of which are confidential. Ha ha ha ..its not confidential, but I assure you that the details of it are immensely boring ;) Went for lunch at around 12:30 pm at the company cafeteria. I'd rather not give the details of the same since boiled potatoes, mashed potatoes, potato casserole and potato fries doesn't exactly qualify for a sumptuous and scrumptious meal. The deserts were passable, but the names were quite interesting .. roly-poly with custard, rumble-crumble with custard, treacle-pudding with custard and Apple-pie with custard sound tasty, but believe me they are not .. and I have not yet deciphered the English penchant for custards!

Getting back to work after lunch and a coffee break somewhere down the line constituted the rest of the day. Usually left for the Hotel by 6:00 pm. Sometimes on the way back I asked the cab driver to stop at Wal-Mart, from where I bought my stock of "Red Wine". Once back in the room I would watch TV .. BBC-1/BBC-2/BBC-3 and a few movie channels that showed run-of-the mill crap, nothing interesting but was OK time pass while I sip my bubbly. Went down to the hotel restaurant for Dinner which was much much better that the office stuff

Usually had Pizza or curry or chicken steak...hmm nice. Sometimes went out for Dinner to a local Indian/Paki restaurant. Would get back to the hotel by around 9:30 pm, read a novel till 11:00 pm. By the way I finished "Nemesis" by Isaac Asimov and "The Kite Runner" by Khaled Hosseini during my stint at Bristol. So you can well imagine how boring the entire stay was. The novel reviews will follow sometime later. Ohh..and by the way I haven't mentioned my one weekend at Bristol. Was quite eventful, the details of which will come later in my next post. I have uploaded the Bristol Pics you can get them here: Bristol Snaps

So till my next post ..ta da ...

Back To Square One

2006-04-04T18:49:00.000+05:30

I am back!

Back to the maddening crowd and sultry weather. Every time I come back from a trip abroad I spend a week lamenting on the state of affairs in

India

. Why is

India

the way it is? Its because the people out here are incorrigible I guess. But what makes them so? What is so special about the western countries and its people that they have a flourishing developed society? Beats me.

At Amsterdam airport when they called out passengers to come in a orderly manner to board the plane (they were calling for passengers according to decreasing seat numbers) all the people of "Indian Origin" rushed to the gate irrespective of their seat number. Tugging, pushing and falling over one another to enter the plane first. Now all these MORONS are literate, can read and write English, infact 99% would be graduates. I guess they think that the plane will leave without them or someone else will occupy their seats if they don't rush. Having taken their seats first is an achievement of sorts. You can notice the winner's smirk on their faces. These very guys spend the next one hour fretting and fuming because the plane will leave only after everyone has boarded and that too at the scheduled time. That's the prize for coming first you BUFFOONS!

When a "white" fellow passenger after witnessing these acts asked me if I was an Indian, I was too ashamed to answer.

PS: The Bristol pics with Journal Part-II will follow soon. I am in the process of uploading the pics. and I am a wee bit busy too !

End of Stay

2006-03-31T22:16:00.000+05:30

Its ended :(

My trip to Bristol has finally come to an end. I have packed my stuff at the office and am just waiting to leave with a colleague as I write, no not write, email my post to my blog. My colleagues out here are taking me to dinner at an Indian Restaurant. Did you know that the Curry is the national dish of England? Yeah, these people dig Indian food.
As promised I could not write about my travails in Bristol and the things I did last weekend, will post one soon as soon as I reach India.

Got packing to do once I reach back the hotel after Dinner. The flight back home leaves quite early at the unearthly hour of 6:00 in the morning.

I am feeling sleepy already..Yaaaawwwnnnn...

PS: Didn't go through the first time, don't be surprised if you see this post twice !

Journal - Part(I)

2006-03-24T17:53:00.000+05:30

Got on this KLM plane, which was a A-340. Nice one with individual LCD displays for each seat. I luckily got the window seat! There were 2 seats by the sides of the plane and 4 seats in the middle. My co-passenger seat was empty so I could sleep peacefully. Saw a part of the movie "Ice Age". The movie was a riot :) That idiot travel agent had ordered special vegetarian meal for me so I had to suffer with Rajma, Paneer, roti and rice. The food's taste was OK though. Topped it with some Bloody Mary and slept like a baby till they woke us up for breakfast.

For breakfast had sweet buns, orange juice etc etc. By the way I saw 2 - 3 guys from my previous company in the plane, but as usual didn't talk to them cause I just knew them by face. Landed at Amsterdam at 5:50 (10 mins early), got out by 6:10, rushed to the gate at the other end of the airport. Didn't go around the airport coz I have already seen it thrice. The plane for Bristol left from Amsterdam at 7:00 sharp, all refreshments were chargeable so didn't take any. Reached Bristol at 8:30. Passport check cleared without much ado. After clearing the immigration hurdles, took a cab...guess which one...yup a Merc (I sat in a S series Merc finally ...yipee) to this hotel called Premier Travel Inn. The hotel is so-so, not that great .. Have seen better ones! That's the story till the hotel. Will write about how I spent the days out here later ..

PS: Its raining and its cold outside :(

In Her Majesty's Service

2006-03-20T22:45:00.000+05:30

The never ending busy office hours I had has culminated to a trip to U.K to a place called Bristol. So here I am, working my ass off in freezing sub zero temperatures!

More details later :)

Law And Reason

2006-03-09T13:50:00.000+05:30

Saw this movie yesterday where there was this old professor taking the inagural class of first year law students at Harvard Law School. She starts the class with this one line definition of law by Aristotle (if you come to think of it, he was a great philosopher)

"Law is Reason devoid of Passion"

How enigmatic, thought provoking! Musing on the same this is what came up in my mind when I think of the way laws are enacted in our country, rather in many countries ..

"Law is Passion devoid of Reason"

Mankind, how exalted are thy ideals and how foolish thy actions !

~Me n Dad~

2006-03-04T16:09:00.000+05:30

Happened to to check out some father centric cards when I went to a local gift store today. Daddy's (Father's) Day has whizzes past every year, and I as usual remain stone faced about it. Obviously you don't need one special day to cozy up with your Dad, but occasions like these remind you of all the days you didn't do the same. There was a time when Dad was the centre of all my activities, today unfortunately its the other way around. Yeah its sad but true, even Dads grow old. He's retired and sits at home watching news on the idiot box, catching the stock market trends, dabbling minor amounts in small penny stocks. He's been leading quite a lonely life ever since mom expired.

I don't remember Dad coming home late from office, and even if he did due to some traffic hassles or bus breakdown, I would be pacing around the terrace waiting for him. The moment he got in I would pounce on him, boring him with those fascinating school stories. The scene these days is quite the opposite. "Dad, me am gonna be late today", I chirp on phone almost every evening. He takes it in his stride with equanimity.

I feel guilty now of not cutting some time off my "tea breaks" to get home a little early. Well, I guess I need to change for the better. Though Dad you don't now what blogs are all about, leave aside reading mine, you know I love you :)

Hope to spend more time with you, catching up on lost moments ....

Damn !

2006-03-01T18:09:00.000+05:30

So tied up with work, just no time to blog :(

Damn Damn ...

Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi

2006-02-26T01:06:00.000+05:30

The time is 1:30 am in the morning. I have just finished watching this awesome movie, and to be frank I could not wait till the morning to file my review report. I am still wondering how come I missed this movie which was released long time back. Probably got fooled by its publicity pictures in the media.

Don't be befooled and tricked by the publicity posters of this movie. Its neither a suspense thriller nor a sleaze show. I don't understand why they choose to publicise this movie the wrong way as if it was a modern gang war movie or something of that sort.

To the say the least it is a finely crafted and textured film. A hard hitting love story set in the political arena of the 70's. The movie follows the life of three not-so-ordinary people right from college, over a period of 10 years, while their destinies take shape. Set in the backdrop of an angst filled crucial period of history when flower power, emergency and rise of the Naxal movement clouded India, the myriad twists and turns evolve, change and mature the characters into symbols of the young and restless of the 70's. It reopens memories of a chapter in history closed long ago. A history which I have often read about, but was never born into to experience it first hand ..

Incidently Shiney Ahuja who played the role of Vikram got his debut Filmare award for his role in the movie :)

IRONICAL

2006-02-22T14:06:00.000+05:30

Isn't it ironical that a prominent actor was sentenced to one year jail for killing a black buck deer in one of his hunting spree, while the main accused who killed a female model in cold blood in broad daylight with over a hundred witnesses was acquitted. Not that I don't condone the reckless poaching of wild animals, but such is the state of affairs; that sometimes I feel that an animals life has more value than a human life. Is it because we have more humans in this world, five billion and growing, than animals ?

Bird Flu !

2006-02-21T12:16:00.000+05:30

Its here, run for your lives! I see sparrows sneezing and a crows coughing everywhere. Or am I hallucinating? The way things are handled in India it seems that the government will end up with an egg on its face, similar to but unlike of the snow ball in the Calvin strip above. How quixotic! I am going goofy I guess, probably the flu. With an egg on the face I guess the government will catch the flu too !

Gonna be very busy for a few days ... tons of work to cull .. And I am not lovin' it :(

Monday is Back !

2006-02-20T10:57:00.000+05:30

Back to work after a hectic weekend ! Ahhh office sucks on Mondays ...

So what have I been up to this weekend? The usual wedding commotions. A very close friend got married this weekend and I was helping his family out with the arrangements and derangements :) Would like to log in my blog (how poetic!) an incident that left me disturbed if not ruffled.

This friend of mine had a relative who came in from far flung non descript village. I was handed the onerous task of shuttling him and others to and from a guest house to various ceremonies. As usual got into some inevitable small talk with this uncle. After a while he asked me, "If you don't mind, what is your caste?". Hey hey hey we were going into slippery grounds. I very respectfully told him that I was a Kerelite Christian and we don't have castes in our case. We have been Christians for Lord knows how many generations, so even if we were converts I have no track of my ancestors caste! He somehow couldn't digest this fact! Actually he had seen a Christian in flesh and blood for the first time!

The incident left me peeved and irritated at the least. The uncle was however quite felicitous with me considering all the hard work and help I was extending to my friend's family. And the end of the day I hope he learnt that kinship based on caste or religion does not matter, what matters is friendship and human values !

I hate it when ..

2006-02-17T13:55:00.000+05:30

Back after a two days sojourn and I see that I have been tagged by Arti, and she wants my hate list. Here goes:

1. I hate it when people disturb me when I am asleep.

2. I hate it when I need to get up at 7:00 in the morning to reach my office.

3. I hate it when I am given a task that needs getting up before 11:00 am on weekends.

4. I hated in when I was in hostel and my roommate kept the lights on to study while I tried to sleep.

5. I hate it when I need to stay awake till midnight to wish people happy birthday and happy new year.

6. I hate it when people call me at midnight to wish me happy birthday.

Hmm ..let me see is there anything else? Besides that usual shit that goes around in this country and the usual human frailties that I detest; this list is quite comprehensive and complete !

Calvin And Valentine

2006-02-14T12:16:00.000+05:30

*(Just imagine the sunny field to be love OK .. imagination is the key here)

Its Valentine Day ! Its the day that brings joys to many people's hearts (including me !). No poems from me (poems are out of my league) only this misplaced Calvin strip that brings out the gist of love (*)

Riches, power, glamour, glory,
You may yearn in vain for all,
Alas but these fails to satisfy the soul,
If you do not have true love to share it all !

Oops .. Have I penned a poem finally? I have! A worthy start, albeit a bad one !

Anyway for those who didn't understand the poem, the feeling it conveys is what Tom Cruise felt in the movie "Jerry McGuire" after a string of successful ventures, "I had so much to say but no one to listen"

@->--

3, 2, 1 .. Lift Off !

2006-02-13T12:32:00.000+05:30

I notice I have been writing a lot on "touchy" topics. Not good for my mental health. Lets start Monday with some humour, moreover there is a lot of office work that needs to be done, so cannot write an original peice today :(
I have been using one of the four swanky lifts in our new office building everyday for my daily ups-and-downs. Related to the same; here is an old one, but does ticke the nervus ulnaris:

THESE ARE THE THINGS WHICH YOU CAN TRY WHEN YOU ARE INSIDE A LIFT.

~Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

~Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

~Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

~Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

~Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

~Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.

~Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

~Ask, "Did you feel that?"

~Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

~When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
~Swat at flies that don't exist.

~Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.

~Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

~Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

~Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

~Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

~Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on."

~Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space!"

This too shall pass

2006-02-10T09:50:00.000+05:30

What drives people to commit suicide? This thought has been lingering in my mind ever since I read that a prominent TV actress committed suicide yesterday. Is it just a means of running away from your problems? How can people mess up their lives so much that even the line, "This too shall pass" falls flat on the ground?

One cannot get into the minds of these unfortunate people to understand their apprehensions, but sometimes I feel that probably if they had given some serious thought and held on, probably the troubles at hand would cease to remain so after some time. Musing on it I realized that every time I came across a crunch situation, I felt that this probably is the most difficult times of my life, if just this passes away my life would be normal and uncomplicated forever. Is it ever so? It's never true. Don't we feel that the latest problems are so much more complicated than problems ever faced before? But life goes on. Life should go on. Its all about weathering the onslaught. As the years pass away one gains confidence to take on every issues life throws up. As I said earlier, "This too shall pass .."

What if she had held back her decision? What if the problems just vanished after a few days? A beautiful life wasted; leaving behind a shattered family, and loved ones scarred forever.

PS: With due respect to others feelings, I might be wrong, but this is my personal opinion on this issue.

dearest little sister

2006-02-09T13:16:00.000+05:30

Two years back this very day my sis joined an MBA course in a city far from home. I went along with her for the admission process. Got her settled in the hostel and returned back with a heavy heart. Its was hard to let go of a sister 5 years younger into a world unknown. Earlier her big bro was always around, telling her what she should do and what not, which "guys" are OK to be friends with and which guys she should keep her distance from. In fact even that day I was measuring up the guys at the institute asking her to beware of the dubious type.

Having lived in a hostel for 4 yrs, I was keen on some knowledge sharing session. "Don't get into bad company and don't spend all time partying. And most importantly don't BOOZE", pearls of wisdom from big bro who knows all about hostel life and the freedom that comes with it. "Come on big bro, I am old enough to know", so she said. Yeah, I guessed so, it was time to let her go and let her be.

For the last 22 years I had been her idol (I am not bragging !), so as to say. Two years back, on this day, we started our lives independent of each other. It was hard getting used to life without her around for at least 2 yrs. Hmmm .... she had to pursue her calling and find her roots. I took recourse in the fact that this was bound to happen someday.

By the end of this month she'd be graduating. She's got a decent job with a French NGO. Finally she has been able to break free from my shadow and blossom on her own and I am proud of it !

Memoirs Of a Geisha

2006-02-08T13:39:00.000+05:30

I finally eneded this novel I was reading today. I don't have much to say except that I liked it very much. The narration is fluid and excellent and scenery it draws in the minds eye of the pre World War II Japan, their rich culture and their exotic dresses called "Kimono" is enchanting. The characters are genuine and you can instantly connect and empathise with the lead protagonist Sayuri.

Borrowing a review from Amazon.com:
"I wasn't born and raised to be a Kyoto geisha....I'm a fisherman's daughter from a little town called Yoroido on the Sea of Japan." How nine-year-old Chiyo, sold with her sister into slavery by their father after their mother's death, becomes Sayuri, the beautiful geisha accomplished in the art of entertaining men, is the focus of this fascinating first novel. Narrating her life story from her elegant suite in the Waldorf Astoria, Sayuri tells of her traumatic arrival at the Nitta okiya (a geisha house), where she endures harsh treatment from Granny and Mother, the greedy owners, and from Hatsumomo, the sadistically cruel head geisha. But Sayuri's chance meeting with the Chairman, who shows her kindness, makes her determined to become a geisha. Under the tutelage of the renowned Mameha, she becomes a leading geisha of the 1930s and 1940s.

Need for Speed

2006-02-07T11:20:00.000+05:30

Since yesterday's marriage party stretched well beyond midnight, I was not in a position today to take my usual company bus to office. So I went around the morning ablutions at my own leisurely pace. Left for office from home at 9:30 in the morning. After passing a couple of kilometers of customary office hour traffic I hit the expressway. This is the same road where our company bus goes about in its own lazy pace while I read something or listen to music.

The moment I hit the expressway I throttled up my car to its limit. Oh what fun! At 150 kmph (unfortunately that's the max my poor old buddy can take) I tasted the sweet fruit called nirvana or mokhsha, whatever its called! Cruising the road at this speed made every nerve in me tingle. The intense concentration it takes along with the eyes-hands-foot coordination to overtake overloaded trucks and an occasional tractor trailer is nothing short of intense meditation. Listening to the roar of the engine, the complaining creaks from each part of the car's body, the shudder of the chassis was, oohhh sweet music to my ears! Being hypnotized by the frenzied movement of the lamp posts and lane divider markings is like a heavenly experience. Its like you are sitting in this capsule, very still, whilst the landscape is rushing by..

Now that I am in office after this intoxicating experience, my mind is clear and the lingering fatigue has given way to an uplifting emotion. I can't but agree with Maverick and Goose who averred in the movie "Top Gun",

I feel the need, the need for speed!

Purani Jeans

2006-02-06T11:16:00.000+05:30

Some weekends leave an indelible mark on your memory. This weekend was one of them. After a long long time almost all my friends from the church gathered at my place. Though they don't qualify as my closest friends (only some of my school mates and my hostel mates have crossed that benchmark), I have had some wonderful times with them in the past. Being the part of the church "youth-group" in the yesteryears, we used to meet every Sunday after the church service, which probably explains why they are not my closest friends (unfortunately they were not my constant companions). Those days we used to participate in a lot of group competitions and worked together on a few social drives like raising funds for blankets for the poor and visiting old age homes etc. Had the time of our lives staying back for late night practice sessions in the church basement. We had so much fun together because our parents (including all the girls parents) trusted us all and moreover all our parents are good family friends too. Another thing that bound us together besides the church activities was probably that all of us come from similar backgrounds. One thing was sure, each one of us were there for each other (and always are) if anyone needed any help. They have helped me cross the lowest nadirs in my life, and have been with me during the lighter moments too. We have shared our successes and failures. Taking a line from Bryan Adams (who incidentally is performing in Bangalore I guess), those were best days of my life ...

Though we live something like a stone throw away from each other, the modern day work load and work styles just doesn't allow for all of us to be at one place at one time. We do meet, but its in groups of three or four. Someone is out of town, someone has a night shift, someone has some personal work to attend to, the reasons are many. So going by the past record, yesterday was a miracle. Actually there was a strong reason for this meeting. Today one of our friend is getting married and she wanted all of us to sing for her in the choir during her marriage ceremony in the church. Perhaps she wanted us "all" to meet one last time before she left for her new home, just to revive the good old days. Yesterday all excuses were chucked out and all of them poured in to my house along with the memories of the days gone by. So while we tuned the guitar, powered up the synthesizer, choose the hymns to sing, and munched on snacks, we caught up on each others lives and work. Reminisced and old times so well spent and laughed hysterically remembering the movie "Andaz Apna Apna" we all saw together.

We spent four hours practicing the hymns, interspersed with other songs like "Paurani Jeans" and "Maeri", cracking jokes and rolling on the floor and bed laughing. Finally, after a long time we had relived those carefree days we once spent together. After they left late at night yesterday, as I tried to put back my room in some semblance of order which had been hit by a tornado, I couldn't not help but stop my mind racing through all the old memories. As I put back each of my things back in place, the good time we had yesterday was being filed as yet another great memory ..

Today we will all get together again, to sing our hearts out for our friends marriage, and for moist eyed goodbyes ..

~Take me home~

2006-02-03T13:45:00.000+05:30

Went yesterday to my cousin's daughter's birthday. She's grown to her 6th year milestone this year. All the while I was there, she was gushing with the minute details of her month long vacation at our hometown. While driving back home I could not help but go through the memories of my visits there.

Its been one year now since my last visit after a hibernation of 8 long years. Earlier we (dad, mom, me and sis) used to go religiously every year. It was one of the few things I looked forward to along with the summer vacations. The spirit of adventure at that time could not have been any better in any other place for my age.

Going to our hometown was like going back into time. Playing in the muddy slush of the paddy fields, bathing by a small stream, catching a few fishes with obscene contraptions (obscene because I used to be naked, while using the towel to filter out the fishes from the water!). They had all kinds of domesticated animals in the houses we went visiting. Cows, dogs, hens, duck and cats to name a few. And if I was lucky to lay my hands on the young ones of these, I would spend the entire day carrying them around. A few chicks actually died due to my rough handling (my grandfather told me later that a chick's body temperatures is less than humans, so one should not hold them long). Got bit by a dog, mauled by a cat and kicked by a calf. Climbed all kind of trees. In short, did all the wildest things within that one wonder month. But I was a kid then..

As time flew, I joined engineering college and after that the visits came to an abrupt end. While I was at college my grandfather and grandmother expired, so by the time I passed out there was nothing to go back to. Getting a long leave in a s/w firm is a tough ask, also used up the few leaves we get for local adventure. Dad still used to go once every year, but not me. I know I was lousy pig all those eight years, until last year.

Yesterday after seeing the twinkle in my niece's eyes I felt a strong urge to revisit my ancestral house again. Old memories have started haunting me, my roots are calling me again, and By-God I will go back once again and keep going back again and again.

If not this year then definitely next year...

~Fascinating~

2006-02-02T12:15:00.000+05:30

I am fascinated by these little thingies, they are called blogger tools I guess. I have collected eleven till date, and have proudly displayed them on the grey pane on the right. Every time I visit a blog and find some thingummy that I like I make it a point to have one on my blog as well. Its becoming an obsession now and my collectibles will soon outstrip the posts I make.

As Jim Carey said in "The Mask",
Somebodyyy sstopp meee ...

Rang De Basanti

2006-02-01T12:58:00.000+05:30

I saw it.

I loved it.

Effervescent Music.

Scintillating characters.

Credible acting.

I am sorry if others beg to differ ..

Writers block sucks !

Everybody's Changing

2006-01-31T12:45:00.000+05:30

The morning bus ride to my office is probably the only time I get for myself. Just me and my thoughts. As the city fades away, my eyes feast on the myriad hues of greens and yellows of virgin farmland. Clean and pure. As the bus goes about its mindless rush, tearing through the hinterland, my abstract cerebrations too gather momentum. Chaotic, fragmented and tempestuous. That probably describes aptly the threads of thought in my mind. It meanders through the innocence of childhood days, the growing up pangs of school days, the lessons learnt the hard way in college days, and the youthful zest of days of my first job. I am reminded of friends of past and present. A few who brightened up those days long gone by, never to be heard from again, and the few who have bonded with me for a lifetime.

Then suddenly, I am reminded that I must be listening to the song playing on my MP3 player. I missed the opening lines of the song in my reverie. Skip back. Play. I am wandering once again..
Today's song I was trying to concentrate on was by Keane:

"Everybody's Changing"

You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can
You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why
You're gone from here
And soon you will disappear
Cause everybody's changing
And I don't feel right

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

Where peace meets grief

2006-01-30T15:21:00.000+05:30

Happened to go to the cemetery this weekend. Of the many Christian places of rest for the long forgotten and dead in Delhi, perhaps this one presents the most stark contrasts. Being situated in "Paharganj" notorious for its melee of crowds, noisy by lanes, hawk eyed street vendors, a mix of our own street junkies and fhirangs high on dope the cemetery stands out as an oasis in midst of a ravenous desert. Call it an anachronism in the present time and context.

The entrance to the cemetery is quite non descript and one will definitely miss it if one is new to this place. Its five to six feet wide entrance is flanked by two flower kiosks, the owners of which will jump in with their unsolicited sales pitch. Once you are inside the change in the surroundings hit you and soothe your frayed senses instantly. The cacophony, filth and claustrophobia that you experienced while walking down from "Panchkuan Road" gives way to some kind of tranquil sedation. The cemetery in itself is not very pristine in its aura, but the vast expanse of around 15 acres of space, interspersed with giant and sinewy old neems, banyans and jamun trees does feel like heaven for a while. You can even hear an odd koel perched on a branch somewhere. The 12 feet high walls surrounding the cemetery somehow seems to fight a battle to keep the city out of its sacred limits.

As I walked towards the grave of someone who I miss a lot and who has been instrumental in bringing me into this world, I passed a grave of a child. Alongside the grave were this young couple, probably in their early thirties, grieving the loss of their child. Since they did not have any kid with them I assume that they probably had lost their only child. The wife sat there arranging flowers on the grave so very lovingly, while the husband just looked around crushed and defeated. Try as I might, I haven't been able to erase the look on their faces till this very moment.

Its said that time is the greatest healer. In my case I have experienced that grief gradually gives way to a sense of inadequacy, like something is missing. I am young and have lot of things lined up, perhaps even the sense of loss will fade away one day. But when I spare a thought for the young couple at the cemetery, I think, "What if they don't have kids anymore? Will they ever get over their grief ?" Perhaps not.

I just wish them all happiness ...

Monday Blues

2006-01-30T09:20:00.000+05:30

Its hilarious to note that even today upward mobile and highly educated professionals (intelligentsia they call themselves) look into caste equations before tying the knot.
Even an act as spontaneous as falling in love comes after a background check. This is the sad conclusion I have made after talking to colleagues in my office.

We Indians are racist and hypocrites of the top order. Its not hilarious anymore, partly and probably because its another manic Monday.

The Final Act

2006-01-27T16:07:00.000+05:30

TGIF !

Getting bored,
doing nothing.
Going home,
I will be resting.

Happy weekend to myself :)

Of dark clouds and rainbows

2006-01-27T10:17:00.000+05:30

This is one of my favorite photographs I took in Paris. Being an amateur photographer I am surprised at the way this came out! I still remember that day as if it happened just yesterday ..

It was one of those days when you are down and out. I had a lot of worries in my mind on my job front, the assignment I was supposed to complete in France was running into rough weather and I was feeling miserable. Out there all alone with no one to share my thoughts, it was hell. So one weekend I went on a city tour all by myself. The thought of going to office the following Monday was killing me. I happened to reach "Sacre-Coeur" the sacred heart cathedral in the heart of Paris atop a hill. The view from the top was spellbinding, but the sky was overcast as if mirroring my feelings. It began to drizzle. Having being left with no options I entered the church. The peace and calm inside was eerie, the candles and the low hum of the piano soothing .. so I just sat there trying to soak in the feeling of peace and calm. It really had an delirious effect, somehow I felt better much lighter. After about half an hour I came out of the transept to a sunny day, the clouds had gone mysteriously! A rainbow could be seen on the horizon. An exquisite sight. I don't have the words to describe the same but it was a godsend. This photograph captured the moment of revelation. Once the feeling of gloom was dispelled, I spent the weekend much lighter and the week that followed saw the seemingly unsolvable issue just melt away..

I am not a very religious person, I am more of a skeptic and I take everything offered with a pinch of salt. I know its just a coincidence, but I have come to realize how strong is the power of nature to gently suggest and coax you out of a slumber, uplift your spirits. And yes, do the seemingly impossible ..

Beautiful Eyes

2006-01-25T12:01:00.000+05:30

Blog surfing led me to this blog by Lady called ancient worlds. As usual it set my mind whirring and reminded me of a short science fiction story by Asimov.

It dwells on a distant future eons away where present day humans have evolved to the extent that they have shed their mortal bodies and have this immortal ethereal form that wanders in the infinities of the universe. Two of these energy beings meet one day and try to remember the body they once had. All happiness and joy of the humans in their new found form could not redress their melancholy for the bodies that they once possessed. They reminisce of a human body that loved long time back, a human body that felt warm and felt loved, and the human eyes that once shed tears ...

What are we without this fragile bodies we have? We take it for granted, complain, and remain thankless to the Maker who made it in all its beauty.

Yes eyes do more than see ...

For the One in my Life !

2006-01-24T18:51:00.000+05:30

Got this tag thing from Neetika wherein you need to write all these things about what you are looking for in a life partner, probably life partner would be too rigid terminology by the next Gen standards, boyfriend/girlfriend would be close enough I guess !
It set me thinking though, and just writing down eight measly points would be an affront to the emotions that go with this kind of stuff. So here is something by John Lenon that sums it all .. packs a punch with feelings and my personal favorite !

When the night has come
And the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we see
No I won’t be afraid
No I won’t be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

And darling, darling stand by me
Oh, now, now, stand by me
Stand by me, stand by me

If the sky that we look upon
Should tumble and fall
And the mountain should crumble to the sea
I won’t cry, I won’t cry
No I won’t shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

And darling, darling stand by me
Oh, stand by me
Stand by me, stand by me, stand by me

Whenever you’re in trouble won’t you stand by me
Oh, now, now, stand by me
Oh, stand by me, stand by me, stand by me

Darling, darling stand by me
Stand by me
Oh stand by me, stand by me, stand by me

Greener Pastures ?

2006-01-24T11:04:00.000+05:30

Last Friday my cousin bro from NY touched down in Delhi for a short visit. I happened to spend a weekend with him last year, as I had gone on an official trip to the US of A. Unravelled the streets of Manhattan with him, 25th street to 'god-knows-how-many" streets, took a peek at the Zombie Of Liberty and Times Square. Later back at his place we discussed India vis-à-vis Uncle Sam. My cousin with a smirk on his face quipped , "See what u've been missin here! Come on now, leave your patriotic fervor aside, pack your bags and settle here in the land of Opp". "Oh yeah", I retorted back, "Come to Delhi someday and see the progress we've made !".
Cut back to the present, he's on the front seat with me and hanging on to his dear life, while I honk and wiz past the maddening rush. I maneuver the sea of humanity on the roads, besides the mongrels and the cattle, all the while showing him the new flyovers, the wide roads and the Metro being constructed. We reach home in 45 mins and as I pull his baggage out, with a heart welling with pride I ask, "So, what do you think of Delhi. Cool place naa, what ya think ?". He replies rather nonchalantly, "The roads are wide n there is some greenery. But the mad rush is still the same. The dogs, cattle and rickshaws still rule the roost. There are so many people out here man, I feel claustrophobic". As always he ended with, "No life here man. Pack your bags and settle in the land of Opp".

I have started enquiring about the procedure to immigrate to the states. Heard that it takes quite a while to get there once you've applied (5 - 8 years). Hey, it takes 5 mins to activate your new cellphone out here! Where's the difference then ?

For all smart alecs

2006-01-19T11:46:00.000+05:30

A bit busy today, so just posting some stuff I received by mail !

~ Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

~ A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

~ Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

~ Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

~ Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

~ A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

~ Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".

Alternate Professions

2006-01-18T08:58:00.000+05:30

On days like today, when I get extremely world-weary I think of alternate professions that would give me the independence and adventure I always look for. Here is a glimpse of what I could be.

Wildlife Photographer
This is a cool one. Me going on an African safari to Kalahari or Serengeti. I am lying in wait at the water hole for the right moment. Waiting for the predators and the prey. Click. I just captured a pack of Hyena ambushing a deer. National Geographic is gonna pay though their nose for this captured moment. Oh no, the bisons are charging towards me ....run get outta here ..run.

Journalist
Sitting at my home, writing. Going places, reporting. Carrying a pin hole camera embedded in my pen for a sting operation, catching the corrupt in the act. The newspapers and TV channels blare aloud about the exposé. I am a national hero. The CBI starts raids at my office and home. Me am sitting in jail for a transgression I haven't committed. I am happy for if I was out, I'll probably end up with a bullet in my head. Yiikes.

Skydiver
Adventure beckons! I jump out of a plane at an altitude of 8000 feet. I am flying with the wind on my face. The landscape below looks awesome. I am falling, falling endlessly. Oops, the parachute fails to open. The landscape looks menacing now. Thud! I am riding a cloud wearing white robes, I have grown wings and have a halo as a fashion accessory. I am playing a mandolin.

Archaeologist
The past enchants me. I bring alive the secrets of the past. I have chanced upon an ancient civilization deep in the jungles of Amazon. The treasures that lie in the hidden crypts fascinate me. The maze leads me deeper towards my goal. Oops, I think I lost my way. That explains the not-so-old skeletons out here. The torch I carry fades. Darkness. Err ... hello. (echoes back)

IT professional
I am back doing the work I hate to do. The hum of the AC is reassuring though. My manager is not that bad either. I can blog, be all that I want to be in the virtual world. There is no adventure, but there are no uncertainties either. The job also entails living on the edge. Who knows when earthquakes strike! I am loving it.

Mr. Sunglass-Man

2006-01-17T09:48:00.000+05:30

This weekend (Sunday) Connaught Place a.k.a. Rajiv Chowk was blessed with my presence (silly pompous fella I am !). Had planned a rendezvous with an old friend. Waiting there for my not so punctual friend I witnessed Mr. Sunglass-Man duping his second catch, an ignorant village dweller (I guess). He waved to me and I waved back. Mr. Sunglass-Man's modus operandi was simple, zero down on an ignoramus, befuddle him with a conspiratorial mumbo jumbo about his smuggled Ray-Bans that he wanted to dispose off for a throw away price (with additional special affects that included talking in a hushed voice while looking all around as if he would de-materialize if the elusive cop materializes). He would quote 1000 Rs for his ill gotten possession which according to him costs Rs 4000 in the showroom, the dimwit customer usually tried to bargain and quote Rs 800. Mr. Sunglass-Man pounces on this opportunity, deal is done. Mr. Sunglass-Man disappears in a jiffy and Mr. Simpleton is left wondering if he had a good deal after all.
I had the pleasure of talking at length to Mr. Sunglass-Man last year at the same spot. As usual I was waiting for someone, killing time, when I started observing Mr. Sunglass-Man's tactics. That day he was not having any luck I noticed, so I called him. He came promptly and started with his sales pitch. I stopped him mid-sentence and told him that I just wanted to talk to someone to kill time. He kind of understood that I knew his stuff was fake and obviously wont buy it. He tried one last time, asking me to at least buy one sunglass for Rs 150 which I could gift to some friend. I laughed. I explained that all my friends were well informed to judge a fake from the real one and moreover it would be an affront to their prestige and mine. I also added that he was free to continue his business if he liked as I would only be wasting his time and buying nothing. He was keen on talking anyway, because on that day he was not making much progress as far as business was concerned. He told me all about the fakes, where they were made, where all they were sold, and stuff like that. He told me about the "hafta", protection money he paid the cops and reasons why he took to this profession. In short he presented his life's story in a nutshell. He however never told me the actual cost price of his wares. Business ethics/principals I guess. Finally I spotted my friend coming my way so I wished him goodbye, have a nice day, best of luck and all that. Finally, before parting he offered me a sunglass at any price I wished to quote. I tried Rs 20. He agreed without arguing! I was left wondering like Mr. Simpleton whether I had a good deal after all. The sunglass still lies untouched in a dark corner in my cupboard.
I have bumped into Mr. Sunglass-Man almost everytime I have been to C.P, he remembers me, coz he always smiles and waves to me. Mr. Sunglass-Man can be tracked between Starbeans cafe (not StarBucks) and Wengers at the inner circle of C.P. If you get a sunglass from him for Rs 20 then you have a deal !

Weekend Bloopers

2006-01-16T12:21:00.000+05:30

This happened a few weeks back ..

My sick manager had called in everyone in the team to raise collective stink on a Saturday. Big B's (Big Boss) orders cannot be countermanded he says. It was my weekend you bloody pervert.
$%&#.

So I was there doing nothing. As if coming to office and (not) working on Saturday was not awful enough, I complimented it with a blooper.

My friend and colleague PR was in Hyderabad that day for an interview.
Lucky dog.

So my manager was trying to reach him, because he believes that when we need to raise a stink, everyone should be there. Team spirit you know. PR would not pick up calls from my managers cell phone or the normal office line.
Intelligent move.

But my slithersucker manager uses my cell phone to reach him.
I cross my fingers,.
PR answers thinking its me.
Duffer.

He is cornered, tells the SlimySonOfaUKnowWhat, that's he outta station for a friends marriage.Manager informs PR that he is on the verge of losing 25% of the bonus based on his recommendation.
PR calls me back later, calls me Judas, Brutus whatever.
Hey, PR why didn't you tell me you r going the hyd? I could have easily fooled that schlemiel.

So I was sitting in the office with no work and a guilty conscience.

Lesson learnt: As if I need to remind myself ! :(

Today's Screensaver

2006-01-13T11:13:00.000+05:30

Ye Nayan Dare Dare, Ye Jaam Bhare Bhare
Zara Peene Do
Kal Ki Kisko Khabar, Ik Raat Hoke Nidar
Mujhe Jeene Do
Ye Nayan Dare Dare...

English Translation:

These Eyes full of Fear
These Goblets full of Beer
Please let me Drink a little More.
Who knows what the Future Holds,
Just One night I want to be Bold,
And live my Life without Hold.

Movie Name : Kohra
Singer : Hemant Kumar
Music Director : Hemant Kumar
Lyricist : Kaifi Azmi

The following song is haunting me, playing in loop everytime my mind wanders off. How do I stop it? Probably should hum "Who let the Dogs out" more often ;)

For the mind is restless..

2006-01-13T09:20:00.000+05:30

Can a person be totally satisfied with what life has got to offer at any given point of time ? Maybe you need to leave everything behind and move to the Himalayas for that ! But then, if you still have the materialistic streak in you you'll rue the absence of the good things in life atop the mountains too :(

Why am I writing all this ? Aaahh the restless mind .. On the personal front everything is going great. Apparently I feel that I am missing some action on the professional front. Should I look out for a change? But the very thought of change brings in apprehensions .. I'll need to start everything from scratch, build new relationships and generally miss the cocoon of comfort ...

As written in the Bhagvad Gita
"For the mind is restless, turbulent, obstinate and very strong, O Krsna, and to subdue it is, it seems to me, more difficult than controlling the wind."

Celebrations for a Comment !

2006-01-11T17:21:00.000+05:30

So I have I comment on my blog. Time to open up the bubbly and celebrate ! My blog is being noticed after all :) But there is one show stopper to this entire comment thing .. why do people put in anonymous comments? I fail to understand. Who is it who is reading my blogs.. is it my manager ? Anyway to the one person who put in that comments ..Thanks !!!!

Literary conquests

2006-01-06T14:41:00.000+05:30

As I have a lot of time in my hands while traveling to and from office, I spend some time on my long discontinued literary pursuits. Presently I am enjoying "English August" by Upamanyu Chaterjee. The main protagonist in this plot is in a situation quite like mine .. trying to bring some excitement to his boring career.

Moving On..

2006-01-05T11:22:00.000+05:30

My boring life has got a new meaning ! Literally ! Our office has shifted to this grand and brand new building at a new location that's miles and miles out of the city. The drive to this place is quite a stress buster with a tranquil and idyllic countryside en route ! These days I am spending most of my time exploring the various nooks, corners, alleyways, corridors, exits and whatever you can imagine :)

Heehaaw...Great Balls On Fire !

2005-12-27T13:11:00.000+05:30

~Rated PG-18~
With due credit to Maverick and Goose's punch line from the movie Top-Gun (Great Balls Of Fire), I'd like to aver that the condition of my balls is not so swell.
There are two reasons that are leading to the de(re)generation of the same. Don't get what de(re)generation means? Read on buddy ...

1. First the real real bad news. Read this article in TOI. Front page news. Some goddamned research has shown that keeping the cell phone in the front pocket of the trouser reduces the sperm count by 30%. That's Hee-haw news. I have been keeping my cell right there for the past 2 years. So the bloody thing would have zapped off millions of mini-me's without me knowing it. My precious (as I have stated in previous blogs) cell phone has been "killing me softly with his song, frying my balls for so long". Had I been in US I would have sued the bastards and got a ball replacement surgery done. Oh hell, can't do that, the thought itself is ... YUCK. Neeway, I have repositioned the killer gadget to my front shirt pocket. I will happily die of an heart attack, but I will not die infertile/impotent dammit.

2. Tada~ the good news. Lots of work has finally landed in my hands, something for which I was fervently praying. Now that I am fully engrossed in the same, I am happily working my balls off! It diverts my mind from the trauma I elaborated upon earlier like a tranquilizer. If I continue with this frantic pace then my nuts are gonna fry! This metaphysical physiotherapeutic exercise might reverse the damage done to my balls. I don't mind that really, with the heat on, probably I'll end up with balls of steel.

Mollycoddled Beelzebubs

2005-12-26T11:01:00.000+05:30

I hate it when kids come visiting at our place and fiddle with everything and anything they can lay their hands on. Yesterday this pugnacious Lucifer incarnate came home accompanied by his lousy parents. Went straight for my precious mobile (seriously its a costly set!) and started twiddling with its delicate buttons, navigated to games section and starting punching the buttons with the alacrity of a boxing champ at his punch bag. All the while the parents were giving out the most nonchalant, insouciant reprimands, "Beta don't fiddle with bhaiyya's phone", "Don't drop the cellphone" etc. at the rate of one instruction per 15 mins. And to add injury to insult this kid had the audacity to fill his pockets with Swiss Chocs (gift from a friend back from a trip to France) which my Dad innocently offered. The parents obviously turned a blind eye to their kids excesses. I am sure they secretly approved of the kid's vile behavior. For the entire 1 hour they were there munching at our biscuits and chips, I had my heart in my mouth.

I remember my parents glaring at me if I even touched something that was not supposed to be disturbed at a guests place. Even the act of taking one extra biscuit required a coded nod of approval from Mom. And in case I ever broke the golden rule of discipline, I was sure to learn my lesson once we reached home. The concept of right and wrong and the eternal fire of hell has been so thoroughly indoctrinated in me that even today my conscience pricks me if I do something that I feel is wrong. I guess that's the reason why I am such a big loser.

Kids like the one I mentioned above grow to be the brash but suave self centered adults without scruples. And they are the ones who rule the roost. They are the bosses who call the shots. They are the politicians and the bureaucrats. They are the policemen and the dons. Others are just citizens, common man as portrayed by R.K. Laxman.

The meek shall NEVER inherit the earth. Its total socialist bullshit.

This is how our tax system works!

2005-12-23T15:54:00.000+05:30

You've heard the cry in the past "It's just a tax cut for the rich!", and it is accepted as fact. But what does that really mean? The following explanation may help.

Suppose that every day, 10 men go out for dinner. The bill for all 10 comes to $100. They decided to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes, and it went like this:

* The first four men (the poorest) paid nothing.
* The fifth paid $1.
* The sixth $3.
* The seventh $7.
* The eighth $12.
* The ninth $18.
* The tenth man (the richest) paid $59.

All 10 were quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner said:
"Since you are all such good customers, I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily meal by $20." So now dinner for the 10 only cost $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes. The first four men were unaffected. They would still eat for free. But how should the other six, the paying customers, divvy up the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his "fair share"?

They realised that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth and sixth men would each end up being paid to eat.

The restaurateur suggested reducing each man's bill by roughly the same percentage, thus:
* The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% saving).
* The sixth paid $2 instead of $3 (33% saving).
* The seventh paid $5 instead of $7 (28% saving).
* The eighth paid $9 instead of $12 (25% saving).
* The ninth paid $14 instead of £18 (22% saving).
* The tenth paid $49 instead of $59 (16% saving).

Each of the six was better off, and the first four continued to eat for free, but outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings."I only got a dollar out of the $20," declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man "but he got $10!"

"That's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than me!""That's true!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!

"Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison. "We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor! "The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn't show up for dinner. The nine sat down and ate without him, but when they came to pay the bill, they discovered that they didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of it.

That, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up at the table anymore.

-Anon

Dedicated to Man's best friend !

2005-12-22T10:50:00.000+05:30

Yes the picture you see is of a blind doggy. Unbelievable right? I couldn't too because this four legged guy goes around pretty much by the sense of smell and hearing. Around the house he knows his way and doesn't crash into things that gets in his way. A few days back something happened to this guy that was really heart wrenching. He strolled of to the fields nearby and apparently started chasing a crow given its hoarse cat-(crow)-calls. Went a little out of the way and couldn't find the way back home. A kind neighbor spotted him wandering around and brought him back. When he realized that he was back in his known surroundings he jumped around and lapped up all of us in sheer joy, unmindful of the fact that his moist snoot had gone bloody and muddy in search of the way back home.

Homecoming

2005-12-20T10:11:00.000+05:30

Went yesterday to my cousin's daughter's birthday. She's grown to her 6th year milestone this year. All the while I was there, she was gushing with the minute details of her month long vacation at our hometown. While driving back home I could not help but go through the memories of my visits there.

Its 8 years now since my last visit. Earlier we used to go religiously every year. It was one of the few things I looked forward to along with the summer vacations. The spirit of adventure at that time could not have been any better in any other place for my age. Going to our hometown was like going back into time. Playing in the muddy slush of the paddy fields, bathing by a small stream, catching a few fishes with obscene contraptions (obscene because I used to be naked, while using the towel to filter out the fishes from the water!). They had all kinds of domesticated animals in the houses we went visiting. Cows, dogs, hens, duck and cats to name a few. And if I was lucky to lay my hands on the young ones of these, I would spend the entire day carrying them around. A few chicks actually died due to my rough handling (grandpop told me later that chick's body temperatures are less than humans, so u should not hold them long). Got bit by a dog, mauled by a cat and kicked by a calf. Climbed all kind of trees. In short, did all the wildest things within the 1 wonder month.

Then I joined engineering college and after that the visits came to an abrupt end. While I was at college grandpop and grandmom expired, so by the time I passed out there was nothing to go back to. Getting a long leave in a s/w firm is a tough ask, also used up the few leaves we get for local adventure. I know I have been a lousy pig.
Yesterday however I felt a strong urge to revisit my ancestral house. Old memories have started haunting me, my roots are calling me again, and By God I will go back once more. If not this year then definitely next year.

Calvin and I

2005-12-19T10:26:00.000+05:30

Went through this Calvin&Hobbes strip recently. Gave me a few pointers towards writing a blog. Here's how Calvin would write a blog. I would follow suit soon I guess.

Calvin writing a personal journal:
"Call me Calvin"

Thinks hard, decides that he wants more impact. Adds new entry:
"Actually make that Calvin, boy genius, hope of Mankind .."

Addendum to last entry:
"....or Doctor Destiny for short"

Adds footnote:
"Thats Doctor Destiny, SIR to you"

Thinks aloud:
"My journals off to a good start"

Long distances in a small world

2005-12-17T12:18:00.000+05:30

They say the world is getting smaller. I beg to differ. Here's the story that shaped my opinion:

We have two smart asses in our office, I call them WiseGuy and SmartChap. Now SmartChap and WiseGuy share their office cubicle. Without elaborating on the structural design of the pigeon holes we call cubicles in s/w firms, let me assure you that they sit so close together that its difficult to say from a distance (of say 10 mtrs) that they are two individuals. I'd rather not comment on the relationship they share, coz I really don't know. Coming back to the story, it so happened yesterday that WiseGuy needed a particular s/w file for his work. Off he shoots an e-mail to his colleagues working on the other side of the globe. They in turn zealously forward the message to all sites worldwide. The Olympic torch relay going around the world shrinks in comparison to the mammoth efforts put to use here. Now SmartChap receives this mail and sends back the required file to whosever's mail that hit his mailbox. This file then meanders its way, through all the agents and sub agents in between to the originator i.e. WiseGuy. Deed done, happy days are back again !!The irony in the entire episode is that WiseGuy still has no clue that SmartChap sitting right next to him was instrumental in calling off a WWW search for the elusive file that way residing in a dingy corner of SmartChap's disk. End of the story ....

Afterthought:Some learned men are of the opinion that the universe is expanding. Cheers to them !

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

2005-12-16T10:48:00.000+05:30

Yesterday a friend who I had long forgotten called. NG was never in my close circle of friends. He joined our school in the 11th standard, whereas we had a close knit circle way back from the 4th standard. Try as he might, he could never gate crash into our group. We never allowed him to either. Made fun of him, played a few pranks and generally forgot him after we passed out. NG is maried now, he did invite us to his wedding, but none of us were interested to drop in.
Was I right in my attitude to him for all these years or should I consider myself to be an egotist? Almost all of us conveniently ignore people we dont associate with, thats the way nature made us I guess .....

Passing time and thought ...

2005-12-15T14:58:00.000+05:30

I am back again. Though my company's IT policy gives me the jeepers, I am getting so bored out here that I need to vent my frustration writting something. What did I do today? For starters I attended a boring meeting that discussed the progress of our project.

Progress: Oh well it all about moving the ball from your court to the opponents field. At the end of the day you should never leave the ball in your court, which means do whatever or nothing but dont give management a chance to throw muck at you that STICKS !After that I have been reading other people's blogs, surfing the net, yaawwwn.....and off course writting it all down right here.I am amazed by the tenacity of this MNC I am working for. People can spend time doing nothing for 6 months and yet never pulled up. Jeez govt jobs might offer more, at least you can sleep under a tree after lunch.
Someday I might look back at this particular entry and say to myself ... those were the days when I was free, wish those days were back! Looking forward to such delusions :-)
Note to myself: Find another job.

Loser ...

2005-12-15T10:28:00.000+05:30

Yet he was a loser. He lost every battle he fought. But with every defeat he scaled his stakes up even higher. He seems to have lived his life fueled by some strange fiery optimism, failing every time on a grander scale than before, every defeat but an incitement to a higher and more subversive dream. Maybe that’s why we obsess about him. He never reached, but he never turned back either. He is the embodiment of our suspicion that the dice are loaded, that the gods cheat. And each one of us has sensed them cheating.

-Anon

Blogmail

2005-12-14T14:22:00.000+05:30

Testing to see if blogging works by email !

School and the days gone by..

2005-12-14T13:53:00.000+05:30

The very mention of school brings back memories that refuse to just fade away. A few days back I got this mail from my school, asking for some written contribution for their memorial magazine. The mail brought with it such vivid memories, so many for that matter, that they were kind of jostling around my head; bobbing up here and there so that I could give each one patient thougt. Every once in a while incidents like these make you enter those long forgotten rooms with treasures unaudited. You sit there for a while, clean up those cobwebs, dust away the layers of accumulated years and finally with a heavy heart lock up and leave.
Here's my article that I'll be sending:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To respond or not, I have been facing this dilemma since I got this e-mail from my school. I have read and re-read the e-mail umpteen time, tried to shy away, but I cannot help myself but write this article. The very mention of XYZ School evokes a myriad tapestry of memories, right from my pre-nursery to the 12th standard. I cannot but stop myself from expressing my thanks to my Alma Mater, be it a token contribution in the written form. My school has been the foundation of my character and my individuality. The unique relationship we shared with our teachers and Principal is exemplary and believe me; I haven’t come across any other school that parallels it. For instance which school student would have the honor of having a Nursery class teacher (Mrs. ABC) remembering you even after you pass out of school? There are so many incidents worth mentioning that I just cannot pick up one to write about. I even cherish the very last memory I have of the final day at school. It was of our farewell party, indeed a nostalgic moment. On one hand we were flying out into the real world armed with the values instilled in us, on the other hand we were a little apprehensive to leaving the cocoon of comfort and camaraderie. I still remember Fr Principal taking us all for a long drive in his Omni, the last ride we all as a group together late at night, midnight to be more precise, after the farewell party. A subtle gesture I guess from Father that we were young strapping adults, no more bound by the rules of the school anymore. Indeed the farewell moistened the eyes of many a classmates of the fairer gender, and a few guys whose name I leave out for reasons of anonymity!My school has shaped me as an individual and instilled such values as honesty, loyalty and humility. These values have helped me time and again in my professional career. I take on the world with the confidence that was nurtured in my school. The friends I have made are still in touch to this day and yes, we do meet regularly! I would like to convey my heartfelt thanks to all the teachers and Fathers for the wonderful years they gave us. Thank you XYZ School!

CyberMenace
Science Batch of ‘96

Forelorn but ...

2005-12-13T17:29:00.000+05:30

Ha, I can bombast from my office. Today is my lucky day. Hope the network administrator doesnt block access to my musings. Got to keep a low profile, too much of net traffic directed to this blog might alert him. Hmmm, a fleeting thought, by the way i havent checked out if I can really post n publish from my office. Lets check that out .... pressing the POST button.....

My first post !

2005-12-13T15:29:00.000+05:30

I want to name this blog "Memoirs of a Natural Born Loser". I shy away from it just because it will just depress me further. Why did I want to do that? Here goes:
1. I tried to create a blogger login from my office, no success. Guess what you can blog around if you already have an blogger ID. People access all sites with wanton abandon. But just because I want to create a new account the "registration" site is blocked by the dumb witted IT deptt.
2. So here I am writting this blog from the cramped up confines of a cyber cafe.
3. This is the third time I am writting this because the net just got disconnected 2 times in a row. It has never happened before they say, but I know better. I guess its because I am around.

I want to write more but I guess before the thunder hits this system I should post n publish this part ASAP. Hope I can continue blogging from my office tomorrow or this is gonna be yet another failed venture.

PS: hmmm...nothing..